Pressure

pressure.*starts humming billy Joel* I must say I have felt like the weight of the world has been dumped on my shoulders as of late. My only solace in all of this is my heart, aylen has been there for me to help me pull through. Honestly I am not sure what i would have done without her bringing me back to reality when i get too far gone. I can tell you I have stopped worrying about my mother, what ever will be will be. However, I have something new to worry about. I have become increasingly paranoid about my job performance reviews. It is something i plan on addressing with my supervisor on monday. I have apparently been graded on a few bad calls, and I am becoming fearful if I will lose my job over it. Honestly I do not think it will go that far, but i feel as if i have a target on my back. I feel almost afraid to answer the phone for fear of another bad report. Now, mind you, that is no way to go through life worried about such, but I sometimes feel if my "judge" is being a bit too overzealous at times. Another thing that has caused my stress this weekend was my dedicated queue that I am in. We had a Major plan recently go with what is known as the mchoice plan, which is basically a mandatory mail order plan with the option of getting the rx at a local cvs pharmacy. The problem with that is, if the person does not have a cvs around them, they are sol. that can be very stressful to me at times. Ok so I know this blog is late. I have learned much of myself in these past few days. 1, I love seeing movies with aylen. it is always a good time for us I feel. I have seen quite a few lately, too many to mention, but all good. I have also come to realize that my feelings put me in an odd position at times. Recently, Aylen pulled a muscle in her neck. I never realized how seeing her in so much pain bothered me. It just kills me, because I do not like to see anything in pain, it is truly not my style. The feelings I have are so much deeper for her then anyone else I have ever encountered. I would hate to think if anything serious ever happened to her. I would be devastated. I suppose I just have to cross my fingers that something catastrophic does not happen like that. Her luck has held out so far, let us hope it continues on it's path. I said I could not mention the movies, but I will mention the one from today. Aylen and I got t see alice in wonderland. We were admittedly a bit puzzled when we saw the movie was directed by tim burton and a disney movie to boot. for those that do not know, those 2 things are something I never anticipated seeing. It was actually really good. A bit bizarre for a disney movie, though. lol.
anyway, I have a few more days until the next one, so I am signing off.

Spencer