Feelings on the 6th month.

It has been 6 months since my Aylen arrived here, and he time has flown by. For me, it is a long time in a relationship however not so much for my girl. She has been in several that were much longer. I know she still has many fears, and it breaks my heart to end to think that she still fears the worst. OK, she says she fears she will grow complacent. That said, there has got to be a level when she can stop living in fear and just be happy. I know she has it in her. My love unfortunately does battle depression. At times, it can be hard, but it is something i am willing work through because I love her. Sometimes I wonder if she sees this drive in me and thinks I am just doing it to prove a point. Whereas she may not know for sure, I sure do. We are all products of our pasts and the experiences that we go through. I think deep down she still expects me to be like everyone else. I also think sometimes she tries to defeat herself. All this though, I truly do not know. I know I do not know everything, I just wish often times I could bring her out of her depression.

A few days ago I came to another realization. I am not a person that likes to be wrong, I know of no one that truly does. The discussion we ended up having was over something simple enough, however, we both seemed to know what was going on, and they did not match up. She heard something being said, and saw what I knew to be a different case. We may have both been right, as there was supporting evidence on both sides. The thought occurred to me, OK so if I am totally right, what useful purpose does it serve? the answer is none, really. Perhaps this is a character flaw in me, or it is part of my passion, but if I feel that I am right about something, I will bite in to it and won't let it go until I show that I am right. I think it goes to my past when i was accused of being wrong a lot by my father. I felt that for my father not to believe me, was a challenge to my credidiblity. This situation infuriated me to no end. right or wrong, most of the time I feel as if it is a challenge to my being. That was part of my past. However, I do not wish it to be the future. I see now that in the grand scheme of things, it truly does not matter, and not worth the heartache that it could cause between us.

*sighs* I guess what I am really trying to say is that for the first time in my life, I feel like I have found the right one, and that there is nothing we can't get through together. I actually do look forward to many years with her. I never thought there would be anyone like that. All we can do is take it day by day. Love is funny like that at times.
I love you, My Aylen,
Master.